Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
A number of actors and celebrities have recently grown facial hair, from Jared Leto to Joaquin Phoenix, and then there are traditional Hollywood beard-wearers such as Zach Galifinakis, Johnny Depp and Brad Pitt. No matter if they’re new to chin curtains or they’ve long ago forgotten about razors, it’s pretty clear that beards are hip. So for six months, this 25 year-old straight male from Brooklyn has done away with shaving. Coming up on the point of looking like an Orthodox Jew, I want to keep my beard going, even if it is starting to look a little Amish. Here’s why.
1. Camaraderie among men
Bearded men are part of a club. Whenever I see another brawny man we offer mutual respect with a nod or smile. Problems can arise if it’s not immediately clear whose beard is bigger; longer always gets right of way.
2. Boosted self-confidence
Although science says women prefer men with a little bit of stubble, my girlfriend loves my beard. She’s not the only one. If I were single, I’d have plenty of dates, especially if I were gay.
3. Neckwarming
This winter wearing a scarf has been optional. Using my barbarossa for its original purpose saves me money on affected dandyism and sartorial excess.
4. Enhanced virility
As in the case of Pavoratti, George Lucas, and Ben Affleck, my beard has transformed me into a stronger, better man. It intimidates my enemies, makes me look like a warrior and Bartenders think I’m cool, so I can walk into any bar in Brooklyn and get immediate service.
5. Flavor-saving
Tastes I really enjoy I can hold onto for later by “accidentally” dripping or dropping them in my crumb catcher.
6. Inspiring men everywhere
By embracing my inner Santa Claus, I am a poster boy for dudes searching for their inner man. I also get a kick out of saying ‘I don’t know’ when guys ask me for help at The Home Depot.
7. Extra cash
With the extra time I save from not shaving, I have more time to do what I love. I know that if I lose my day job, I can easily become a lumberjack, sailor, panhandler, or ‘Vikings’ dramatic reenactment extra.
8. Looking like a wizard
Stroking my face-garden implies deep contemplation, which I use to my advantage when bored by friends, or when I have nothing to say and don’t want to seem rude. Co-workers and colleagues consult me when they have problems because my beard offers gravitas and calm in any situation. Who knows, maybe in a couple of years my wisdom (and beard) may equal Gandalf’s or Merlin’s, two of the greatest wizards ever.
9. Another appendage
I can hold or hide things in the hair on my chinny chin chin, from pencils and pens to headphones, even homeless birds.
10. Being part of history
Great men through the ages, from Jesus to Abe Lincoln, have protected their faces with whiskers. I have a dream that one day a man with a covered chin will live again in the White House, that my beard will frolic with the bare faces of other men, and that all facial hair will rise up and live out the true meaning of this creed: that all beards are created equal!
The post 10 Best Reasons Beards Are Back appeared first on Daniel Ryan Adler.