I have “privilege,” I am at the “top of the food chain,” I am poised for success. I am a white male. In a Freudian slip, I write ‘white shark,’ because that is sometimes how it feels when I am looked at accusingly, as though I represent all of the sins my colonial, land-owning, orientalizing forefathers have committed. That’s okay; I can take it.
The hardest part about being me is knowing that I have no REAL problems. I’m a white male, yes, but because of that, no one takes my issues seriously. My angst about being me is laughable. I may wake up tomorrow in a better mood and smile at my ennui and mental anguish about working a job that I hate, but in the end I have choice; I can leave one job to get another elsewhere. That’s what separates me from someone living in severe poverty or any other great suffering. Choice. But I can choose to end my suffering, or at least exchange one mild form of suffering for another even less mild version.
But where does it stop? Because I know no other form of suffering, this seems bad to me. It makes me feel worthless. Add to this the fact that no one cares about my suffering and I feel even worse. Perhaps if I sought suffering, I could live a more meaningful life.
As a white male, I have a debt to society to work hard and produce for the economy. Unfortunately, as you can see from above, I have trouble doing this. Whatever society wants me to do will most likely lead to my unhappiness, while whatever I want to do—travel, write for myself, and spurn money—is the very opposite. If everyone did like me, society would not be very productive.
You may be thinking that I’m a sociopath, and that I have absolutely nothing to complain about since I am who I am. But I have empathy. I relate to people more unfortunate than me. But it doesn’t help them! That’s the problem, part of it least. I’ve considered joining the Peace Corps. But that isn’t enough. I have to actively consider everyone else who’s not me in order to validate my existence. This is my penance.
What should I do to be a better person? Imagine that I am someone else, someone who can’t marry the person I love, who has experienced prejudice based on the color of my skin, who has been afraid to walk home alone at night. I do that. But is it enough? Should I join the Peace Corps? Will that help me feel better? More importantly, will it make me a better person?
The hardest part about being a white male in our patriarchal system is wanting to relate but being laughed at for being unable to. The very notion that I want you to try to understand what it’s like to be me is laughable. In a way, this whole article is futile. I should have just kept my mouth shut and toughened up. That’s what society wants from me anyway.
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